Well I started another term yesterday...foundations...Its a little odd but I am not sure how comfortable I am with this class... I mean come-on it's just a class right? One where they want to teach you to know yourself, face your fears, face your "shadows" and grow. They want you to face past pain and actually deal with it. They want you to see the problems and issues you know you still have in the back of your mind but don't really think they are a problem... Do all this in order to become a good leader who knows yourself, knows who you serve and this can help you value/understand/love and become the best leader you possibly can....Good right? Good. Yes. But being vulnerable? I would like to be comfortable with that...well...maybe more like be comfortable with allowing myself to be in that uncomfortable vulnerable place....but for now. I am not enjoying the anticipation of what I will have to face this coming 8 weeks. I am ready to become a leader who knows who I am, my weaknesses, faults, and strengths and who is willing to serve in such a way that empowers, motivates, loves, sacrifices, supports, is trustworthy and possesses integrity while I value those I serve/lead but I as I am ready standing on the cliff's edge ready to jump into this thing....I am having to force myself to be ok with what I will discover, have to face, and have to deal with...I am not quite there but I am ready to allow the Lord to get into the inner parts of who I am and transform me into the leader/woman I need to be...the servant leader I need to be, with a good strong foundation. But for now I squirm a bit. Aside from this class' anticipation...I have found lately that...anxiety has enveloped me. I know I need to trust right now and I am consciously attempting to relax but it isn't working so well at the moment. I don't know why. It is a bit frustrating. I am reading my Bible, praying, and desperately attempting to trusting God but my brain is trying to work against me. I want to love, to encourage others...to be who I am without stressing about life...mine or those I love around me...body...stop being stupid and forget the world's worries...rest in God's peace....please?
